For the most part I have not been able to keep up with my own commitment to become Mistress V's submissive. There are a few reasons for this
- I have not been exactly enthused with her commands
- I have been lazy
- I have not dared present her with an honest request or even a copy of the book
Let's see them one at a time:
NUMBER 1
Mistress V has given me commands, not in the authoritative way I would love, but she has done it. she has told me to do things here and there and has even gone so far as to say that i am to do as she said because I am "a good boy". The problem is that I have not been consistent in my servitude to her. True, I have done as she requested, but with few exceptions, I have done it without enthusiasm. There may be two or three exceptions, such as the other day when she asked me to do several things in succession and I thanked her. She said "Thank me? I should be the one thanking you!" to which I said "I love you and love serving you and when you tell me exactly how I can do that, I love it. Thank you." This is the closest I have ever come to a confession. but I have not been consistent. i know exactly the root cause for this lack of consistency: I have had too many orgasms. Most of them self inflicted. I totally have to start exercising self control and leave the habit of masturbation. I think that is I were consistent in my servitude, Mistress V's Dominance might awaken. I think I have seen hints of it somewhere.
NUMBER 2
I have not been consistent in my undercover servitude. I have done some things, but not enough. I think this is not as serious as number 1, but it would really strengthen the message that I really want to be in her service.
NUMBER 3
I printed a copy of Around her Finger, which is the most vanilla book on Female Dominance there is. Actually the book doesn't even mention the word dominance at all, but I have not dared giving it to her. I am afraid of doing it, and my fear is that she may reject me as she rejects my offer to submit to her. I know this may be an irrational fear, but it is there nevertheless and I don't know what I'd do if she rejects me like that. It is like a deep, deep part of me and it feels vulnerable and sensitive, exactly the part of the male psyche that we men try to protect throughout all our lives.
WHAT TO DO NOW:
I don't think I will dare to deal with number 3 for now, so I have to work on 1 and 2. I will try to be more consistent in serving her and be more enthusiastic when she "orders me around" I need to keep telling her that I adore serving her and being told how to do it.